i've been dreaming about houses. houses with tumbling rooms, duplexes that are falling apart on my side but have a secret passage in the fireplace to another world on the other side, a perfect apartment with perfect rooms, seeming to lead to a perfect life .. when i'm in the tumbledown house i'm lost, the street outside is grey, i'm trapped in these rooms with no meaning and i feel as though the apartment is haunted. .. . on the other side of the fireplace: the babies that live there probably laugh, the couple that lives there probably love one another. sometimes i find a secret room on my side and i'm relieved i found it. an empty little room, it feels like my space.
i've dreamt of a victorian house, a suite full of rooms, i've dreamt that it has stairs, stairs, back stairs, passionate stairs, i've dreamt its attic is full of boxes of antique treasure .. i dream about going to the attic, going through the boxes, finding the diaries and the rings, the cameos of my ancestors, the death photographs, the hatboxes.
last night i dreamt of a circus as big as a stadium filled with people that seemed to be screaming like a violent colloseum .. there was trapeze, and the floor of the thing was covered in water. boats float there, tiny, white, helpless.
what does the circus mean? an evil circus, a world of sinister water.